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Friday, November 30, 2007

Let me get this straight...

Sideline from today's Irish Independent

For a while there, it seemed there had been a backlash against the so-called 'metrosexual' culture. A breed of raw action man — epitomised by the lean, mean and detached style that Daniel Craig brought to the James Bond role last year — appeared to be metaphorically raiding the metrosexual's bathroom cabinet and throwing out all those wimpy male moisturisors, exfoliators and face packs.

Yes, the grunts and knuckledraggers tried to convince us that the 'retrosexual' was now the dominant male archetype in popular culture, and we had better all start getting used to it. Or not. Feel however the bloody hell you like — retrosexuals don't care about girly-man things like feelings.

But this week, it seems the metrosexuals have claimed back lost ground — if not evolved into something else entirely, something bigger, stronger and more metro than ever before.

That was the news that a quarter of Irish males aged between 18-25 own a GHD hair straightener. The very idea that any man would use such a taboo beauty appliance to tame their unruly mops was just too much for the retros to handle. As news of the survey broke, there was surely a collective shudder felt throughout the land as these last bastions of pure manhood punched a wall or a nearby well-groomed metro in sheer frustration, horror and disbelief.

Of course, the automatic accusation/taunt that was flung around was that men who used a GHD were "gay". What would the retros do without that default, catch-all insult, eh? But I would be very interested if researchers somewhere delved a little deeper and found out what type of men have GHDs. Is there one lurking in the changing rooms of, gasp, a GAA club? Does that burly builder working on that site opposite your office have one stashed in his bag in case he gets caught in a shower while working and the rain plays havoc with his carefully maintained curls? Does the Taoiseach's hefty make-up bill include a miracle hair straightener?

The GHD, it seems, has the same stigma today that moisturisor or male waxing kits had back pre-Beckham. But seriously, what's so shocking about men using a hot tongs to straighten their hair? It's not exactly as if these guys are wearing glittering nail polish or stilettos with their suits, now is it? To you 'tuft' guy retros, I ask: how can we help you get over this post-traumatic 'tress' disorder?

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