‘The Tonight Show with Jay Leno,’ NBC “Although it is beautiful here in California, the weather back East has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C., Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear.
“That’s the big story over the weekend. ... Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 percent.”
“I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, ‘Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?”’
“Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine’s Day. It’s the new Dick Cheney cologne. It’s called Duck!”
‘Late Show with David Letterman,’ CBS
“Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It’s Dick Cheney.”
“But here is the sad part — before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy’s request for body armor.”
“We can’t get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney.”
“The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he’s fine. He took a little in the wallet.”
‘The Daily Show with Jon Stewart,’ Comedy Central
“Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, [was] shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird.”
“Now, this story certainly has its humorous aspects. ... But it also raises a serious issue, one which I feel very strongly about. ... moms, dads, if you’re watching right now, I can’t emphasize this enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice president. I don’t care what kind of lucrative contracts they’re trying to land, or energy regulations they’re trying to get lifted — it’s just not worth it.”
© 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
1 comment:
Hmmm, you'd think with such easy material at least one of those guys would have hit the target. I'm especially disappointed in Jon Stewart, he's usually really astute and funny.
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