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Friday, May 25, 2007


Alternatively column from Day and Night magazine in today's Irish Independent

I’ve just read a book called ‘Gay and Single…Forever’, which stirred a slew of different emotions within me. The first were anger and jealousy directed at its author Steven Bereznai for stealing the title of my yet-to-be-published, multi-part autobiography.

Mainly, I found myself relieved that someone else had articulated my long-held view that, while gay and straight couples are treated differently (mainly by the law), gay and straight single people have always been equally discriminated against or viewed as some kind of problem to fix.

The main crux of this book is that we seem to have moved onto a point where single gay people are feeling the same societal pressure to partner up that straight people have been feeling forever. This pressure appears to stem from a deep unease that exists about singletons – that we must be dysfunctional or failures somehow.

From my viewpoint, there appear to be a helluva lot of single people today – gay and straight - and we can’t all be unlucky-in-love miscreants. We just know the single tag is too precious to give up lightly.

I love being single and I know I’m open to the idea of going out with someone (but not just ‘anyone’). From my experience, it’s been the case that when I’m single for any great length, I want to be with someone, but when I’m with someone, I can’t wait to be single again.

Those feelings can’t just be down to insecurity, low self-esteem or a desire to stay independent – though I do have spectacular amounts of all those very qualities on offer if there are any takers. Like most of my single comrades I’ve discussed this with, I have to believe that once I meet someone that makes me not want to run away, then I’ll know it’s right.

And as a happily partnered-up pal said last week: when it’s right, it’s easy. So remember, when it comes to love, it seems you only get the things you want when you stop wanting what it is you want. Ha ha love: I’m gonna get you, sucka. Wow, and there’s a potential title for the autobiography too.

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